Am I Really...?

 Am I really wise? Beyond my years, still? 

My mom used to say I was, but I was twelve. 

I no longer feel wise, I feel naive now. And yet the choices that I make, I make knowing full well how much hurt I might be signing up for. Does being wise mean always playing it safe? Probably not. 

I guess I am wise after all... I guess I do just love the thrill of the gamble. Especially when I can bend the rules.

Am I really kind? 

Oh I hope I am.

For the good of generations to come, I hope I find within myself the kindness that would make me proud. 

I feel kind, most of the time. I pride myself in being nonjudgemental and in allowing room for feelings and words and silence. Is that kindness? 

I'm no longer kind to strangers. I don't have it in me anymore, but by my honor I will teach my son that all deserve his kindness. That kindness is not to be earned, it's to be gifted, and that, while you're young and carefree, there's plenty to go around.

Am I really a warrior of justice and truth?

In hypothetical situations, over a few drinks, I suppose I still am.

To my detriment, most of the time, I will fight for the truth, and honesty and transparency, that I believe will save the world. Am I wrong?... Probably. But it's my truth and I stand by it.

And I stand by all who have been wronged. Even in thought. I vow to myself to do my best; to at least not fall prey to herd mentality. And my best is the best that I can do.

Am I really resilient?

I may not seem so, and other people may have pushed through harder times than I.

But I feel resilient. 

\Yeah, I may complain, and I may take my sweet time completing a task, or a stage in my life. But I sure do it, and I end up doing it well... By my standards.

Am I really curious?

Oh absolutely! 

About nothing and everything all at once.

About the experience of being a bee, and about the Universe that is a stranger. About life... and death, and possibility.

The minute something becomes exact, or clear, or definite, I may lose interest, that is true; but wow, that inital ravenous curiosity on my first encounter with a thougt... That fuels me. 

Am I really enough?

...

Yes. Yes I am.

Take care!